Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Absence... Changes...

Hi Everyone!!!

I guess I have a lot of explaining and catching up to do... It's been a month and a half since my last post - what gives right?
Well, things got really hectic around here - mostly in a good way. In a nutshell, both of the (pro) teams that DH coaches got in the Finals of their respective leagues. One lost and the other one claimed the conference title. Wooohooo!

Things at work got a bit scary for me for a while. They reformatted my show and for a second there I thought that the changes would include giving me the boot. Thankfully, I'm being retained but they sacked my partner which really, really sucks in ways I won't even try to convey here.

Also, my MIL treated us to a trip to Hong Kong earlier this month. No matter how tempting, I can no longer say anything bad about her. Her generosity - without agenda - during the trip humbled me. Of course my cousin joked, "Hey, that's a good strategy. If you can't beat 'em, buy 'em!" But I actually had fun the few days we were there with her and my siblings in law. DH couldn't come because his teams qualified so it was just me and Tarb and the inlaws. And it turned out to be far more than just ok.

Aside from all of the above, my absence was also due to the fact that I simply had no appetite to blog. It wasn't laziness. I looked back at some old posts and they seemed so whiny and petulant - and while those words can often be used to describe me - it's not who I want to be. I'm all for blogging as a place to where you can vent without being judged but FOR ME - reading my posts of old - it seemed and seems a little self-indulgent. Maybe it's because I already have a child. Secondary IF sucks but I know that it's still different for the childless who are TTC. I've just become more grateful for the little brat who brings so much light to our lives.

I just began to look at my Tarb and think, that's all I need. I'm going to do everything I can to get pregnant but I simply don't have the energy to feel sorry for myself or feel inferior to other women. I don't want to curse AF on every visit or whatever. I just don't have the energy - or I refuse to waste energy on what I'm not getting.

I know, I'm spewing sunshine all over the place again it's almost gross. But that's honestly the main reason for my absence. Please don't think that I'm condemning any of you for all the beautifully honest things that you write here. I know how much it helps some of you, so keep doing it. I'll keep reading.

Am I going to stop blogging altogether? No - but I may be around less frequently and I have all the resolve to make each post as positive as possible. With the way that you have supported me the past few months, that's the least that I owe you - positive posts full of hope and certainty that we are getting what we need if not what we want.