Today, I'm feeling like I'm tired of trying to get knocked up. I'm in one of those if-God-wanted-me-to-have-another-kid-I'd-have-one-by-now moods. I haven't been taking Met though I know I should. It's just after lunch, I've had a good meal and now would be the perfect time to pop one but I'm hesitating like anything. Seriously, WHAT'S THE POINT?? The meds don't work. I don't like them and they certainly don't like me.
I often see this whole secondary IF thing as the Powers That Be making me work for something that I truly want since a lot of the other things I truly wanted in the past (including Tarb #1) came pretty easy. Ok, ok, so maybe I should trouble and toil my ass off for the second but today, I'm tired.
Tired of waiting, tired of wanting, tired of thinking, tired of counting and tired of hearing: Tarb's so big already, isn't it time for another one?
If I just banished the desire for another child, I wouldn't be so worked up and anxious, right? So part of me wants to stop wanting it because I'm just so fricking tired. But realistically speaking, that's not gonna happen, not anytime soon anyway. So here I am waiting, wanting, thinking, counting... with negative vibes all around me.
In short, not a good day for not being fertile.