Thursday, March 29, 2007

Tired

Today, I'm feeling like I'm tired of trying to get knocked up. I'm in one of those if-God-wanted-me-to-have-another-kid-I'd-have-one-by-now moods. I haven't been taking Met though I know I should. It's just after lunch, I've had a good meal and now would be the perfect time to pop one but I'm hesitating like anything. Seriously, WHAT'S THE POINT?? The meds don't work. I don't like them and they certainly don't like me.

I often see this whole secondary IF thing as the Powers That Be making me work for something that I truly want since a lot of the other things I truly wanted in the past (including Tarb #1) came pretty easy. Ok, ok, so maybe I should trouble and toil my ass off for the second but today, I'm tired.

Tired of waiting, tired of wanting, tired of thinking, tired of counting and tired of hearing: Tarb's so big already, isn't it time for another one?

If I just banished the desire for another child, I wouldn't be so worked up and anxious, right? So part of me wants to stop wanting it because I'm just so fricking tired. But realistically speaking, that's not gonna happen, not anytime soon anyway. So here I am waiting, wanting, thinking, counting... with negative vibes all around me.

In short, not a good day for not being fertile.

8 comments:

Baby Blues said...

I'm so frickin tired too. I'm exhausted, worn out, weary, fatigued, ready to drop, drained, wasted, enervated, jaded, bushed, whipped, bagged, wiped out, pooped and tuckered out.

But still I try.

Because I can't give up. The fear of not having a child is just agonizing and real. It drives me to push myself to extreme limits.

So I carry on relentlessly. With hope.

Because hope is what fuels us. The hope that maybe we'll get lucky, and someday this will be all worth it.

Love this post RTT. So timely for the upcoming Holy Week.

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." (Matt. 11: 28-29)

RTTguapa said...

aww, thanks baby blues...
needed that...

Samantha said...

I'm sorry you're feeling down and the met has been so tough on you. {Hugs}

Buchiko said...

You should listen to Baby Blues, RTT. She's got determination written all over her. To tell you the truth, I've been on that boat a couple of years ago that's why I stopped cold turkey. I stopped everything from going to the OB to drinking those god-awful meds. But I'm back on track. Despair is a bitch. I know what keeps you going though, having the tarb. So hang in there! Hugs and prayers to you!

The Town Criers said...

Hope you find some peace this weekend. Some rest. Hang in there, sweetie.

Adrienne said...

I hear you. Boy, do I hear you! But we have to keep trying, keep hoping, keep wishing. Hang in there, RTT.

Sarah said...

i honestly don't know how you guys w/ secondary IF do it. infertility is just so consuming and so draining for all of us, but for the parents out there who probably already feel their time split between the kids/jobs/whatever else life throws at you, i just can't imagine. every parent i know feels tired already. most of the infertiles i know are deeply tired of it. you've got a double whammy.

Debbie said...

I know the feeling of waiting and feeling tired very well. I wish I I had a magic potion that would get all of us prego in an instant.

Hang in there :)