Sunday, April 1, 2007

Some Real Gems

Had dinner with some extended family members last night. And they came up with some real gems about how to get over the failure to produce Tarb #2. Some lines are old and worn out, others more amusing. I didn't get upset with them. They all truly meant well and I love them for it. But as they were talking, I smiled, nodded and allowed myself a nice long, mental sigh.

Here's what they came up with:

- You should relax.

- Don't try so hard.

- Just don't think about it and you'll get pregnant.

- You need to take a vacation where it's quiet and the air is clean.

- Well, you should be thankful with the one that you have.

- How did you manage to have Tarb then?

- I have a really strong novena you can pray. It really works they say.

- If your grandmother were alive, she'd tell you not to torture yourself taking all that medication.

- Both of you should just eat durian. (That's an "exotic" tropical fruit, hard and spikey on the outside, creamy and extremely pungent on the inside. Good thing I actually like it). So and so didn't have kids for the longest time, when she and her husband started eating the stuff, they had five kids in a row.

- It will come.

- God's spacing it out so Tarb can enjoy her time as the apple of everyone's eye.

If there's one thing I hate hearing, it's the "you should be thankful for the one that you have". Is there anyone who knows me that actually thinks I take my daughter FOR GRANTED?? That I'm so unimpressed with the person she is that I just want another Tarb because it's like I'm trying to complete a tea set? I guess they meant, you've already been blessed... Thank you, like I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

Moving on...
I'm on CD 25 and feel nothing that even hints at a pregnancy. Had some back pain while riding the car yesterday. That's like AF sending you a letter to say she'll be over in the next week or so. Then, there were bouts of pain/cramps where I imagine my ovaries to be. There's also a wee bit of constipation. What I am constantly on the lookout for is sore, sore boobs - and I haven't had those in like a million years (obviously). I mean, we all get sore-ish boobs when AF is on the way but pregnancy sore boobs are like nothing I've ever experienced before. That's the only thing that'd make me REALLY stop and think, could it be...?

I only started taking Met just over a week ago. And so far I've only managed to take it like every other day. Yah, like that's really gonna help make the extra follicles in my left ovary disappear.

I have this rather stupid thought/question about women who are readily able to produce more than one child. If a woman has two kids or more, doesn't that make her more of a mother than me (because she has more kids and I only have one)? Ok, your collective eyeballs are rolling, I can feel it but seriously. A woman who has more than one kid, has more to deal with, gains more experience and is therefore more of a mom, right? Not that that makes me less of a woman (just as IF should not diminish one's sense of womanhood), just less of a mom? Gee, can you tell it bothers me when people have more (of anything) than me? Ok, raise your hand if you're feeling extra insecure this weekend... (Me! Me! Me!)

Sorry for the rambling, people... I hope to produce something more coherent and positive next week!
Cheers to a fairly decent weekend!


Baby Blues said...

Whenever I get those comments, I suddenly develop selective deafness. "Noo-neenoo, I can't hear yooo..." I get so much of that crap. They make it sound as if I'm a manic obsessive person. (Hmmm maybe I am.) But there's no way, I'm just gonna relax and waste time doing nothing, rely on vacations or aphrodisiac fruits! And yes I pray. It doesn't mean that because we're doing ART, which our Ca.tholic faith is against, I don't pray. I pray a lot, sometimes even crying. I pray for strength and for patience. Because I know that whatever ART we do, He still has the final say.

I know they mean well, but sometimes they should just acknowledge how we feel. Is that too much to ask? I know what I feel, no one has to tell me otherwise. Aurelia said it well in her letter to the world.

I know it's as much frustrating for you as is it for me. Don't mind rambling. You're safe to vent here.

Adrienne said...

"Well, you should be thankful with the one that you have." That one makes my hair catch on fire. "So I'm just a selfish bitch who doesn't really love her living child and only wants to acquire one more thing? Thanks for that - I wouldn't know exactly how I felt until you told me." Arghhhh!!!!!

Samantha said...

I hate dealing with comments like that. Since I don't have children, I've never had to deal with the "be thankful for the one you have," but what a horrible thing to say! You can't win no matter what. Sometimes I feel like people judge me as selfish because I don't have kids, and here they are judging as selfish for wanting to have kids?! I am sorry any of us have to deal with that crap.

I'll have to try some of that durian. Can you get it here in the States? :)

My Reality said...

They left one out - start the adoption process and you will magically get pregnant.

I found the first 2 or 3 days on met tough, but once I got past them, I was fine. I can even take it on an empty stomach. I know I am one of the lucky ones in that regard, though.

SaraS-P said...

Oh, how I love the useless yet well-intentioned advice!

You have every right to want another child. Children benefit from the social skills they learn with a sibling. You could frame as wanting to benefit the Tarb.

Buchiko said...

Oh my .. I've been hearing similar sentiments for years! It got to the point that I thought, if I hear one more "you just need to relax" comment, I'm going to scream! Then I learned the art of tuning out .. and it's such a wonderful thing I tell ya. When someone starts the spiel i think of the beach... and my mind goes blank =) Try it. That's the first time I heard that about the durian, btw.