Weekend Waves

We spent the weekend at Su.bic B.ay - the former US navy base just a few hours drive from Manila. This picture was taken from the Y.acht C.lub poolside. Don't be fooled by the overcast skies. It was daaaamn HOT over there. The Tarb had fun which is pretty much all the matters. (The foot at the lower left corner of the photo is my cousin's - the SIL of Baby Blues - just in case you were wondering). I wanted to use a pic of the Tarb in the goggles and floaties but DH'd kill me.

This is my "fertile" weekend - at least according to the textbooks. I have not lived up to my promise of taking Met regularly. Go ahead, call me a pussy! But still I think I might actually be ovulating. I've got little pangs of pain in my lower abdomen - good! My boobs kinda of a sort of a hurt - ohhhhk. But I haven't noticed any great changes in CM - not so good.

It's near impossible to be accurately atuned to your body when you're trying so hard to look for or feel something! It's almost as bad as second guessing everything you're feeling after a 2ww.

My last post had me spewing sunshine all over my dear readers. And my mood now is not a drastic departure from that. In fact, I hardly thought about being in the IF rut while we were in Su.bic - and to think it was my first fertile day on Friday. I was just like, "I'm ready for action" and didn't dwell on "O God was that the one that's going to do it??".

But then I realized the pain of IF comes in waves. Last night after watching a movie I was thinking about how some newlyweds I know will be getting knocked up sooner rather than later and how that might make me feel - even if it were their first pregnancy. And thinking that way surprised me because just last week I learned of some new pregnancies (just acquaintances on their 2nd or 3rd Tarbs) and I felt fine about it.

Also last week, my dear friend K (married six years, TTC for 5) just found out that her tubes are almost completely blocked. It's not the end of the road of course, she still has options like surgery and IVF or both. But the bad news made me think. Am I wasting my time? maybe I should have MY tubes checked. (But my RE says my tubes'd be the last thing she'd check because I already have a kid and I haven't - as far as we know - suffered any infections). When I told DH about K and their likely next step to IVF, he was all like, so why don't we just do THAT? He's funny sometimes. I wish he'd read up on IF more!

So that's me for now. Partly optimistic, partly worried and hoping like mad.